Starting Over Midlife and Beyond

There is Both Fear and Joy in Starting Over

Twenty years ago I moved from my home in Wichita, Kansas where I had lived my entire life. There was a part of me that had always hoped to someday live in another place and although it wasn’t something I was thinking a lot about at the time, I felt like the opportunity had presented itself at that particular time in my life for a reason. I was divorced from my kids’ father, uncommitted, and my social life felt stagnated.  Other than being a mother, the best thing I had at the time was a promising career with a great company that, incidentally, made the move to the beautiful state of Colorado a possibility.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy leaving my family, but I found the strength to move forward in this difficult decision which turned out to be one of the best of my life. With my oldest in college and living on campus, I packed up my middle-school-aged youngest and the dog, and with Dixie Chicks’ ‘Wide Open Spaces’ blaring, headed west. 

Was it scary?  You bet!  I didn’t know anyone in the place where I was about to live but in the back of my mind, I had a good feeling and was excited for some new experiences.   At the time, having only lived in Wichita, I saw Denver as the biggest city in the world.  After my move, I recall a time being downtown with a group of ladies and one saying she was moving to Chicago because she wanted to live in a “big city.”  What?  Bigger than this?  I am a bit more traveled now and realize there are indeed bigger cities than Denver but for me, it was a bit intimidating in the beginning. I would forever get turned around driving downtown to my job.  They kept telling me the key to getting around the area is by locating the mountains to the west, yet they are of little help in the middle of the city surrounded by high rises.  But in time it all came together as these things do.  My older son eventually joined us and life became really good.  Colorado is where I came into myself.  Where I lost self-doubt and formed some great relationships.  It turned out that it was a great time in my life to start over and it paid off in a big way. 

Starting Over Again

Fast forward to a couple of years ago.  I am married and our kids, which now total four with the addition of my husband’s two daughters, are grown and have gone on to make their own lives within their own families.  We have decided to do what every respectable golfer does in retirement and move to a warm climate.  I must point out that my husband is a lot more respectable than I am on this front.  He has been playing the game since childhood whereas I took it up in my 50s. The decision to move this time seemed even simpler.  Yes, again I would be moving to a place where I knew no one but I would have my husband this time.  I didn’t have the added responsibility of making a bad decision on behalf of my kids which also made it easier.  Although I loved Colorado, I was more than ready to get out of the cold weather so I again packed up and headed southwest to the warmer (actually much hotter) state of Arizona. 

Is this another good decision?  I think so, but I may have oversimplified it this time.  With my move to Colorado turning out so well, I had forgotten the struggle of the first couple of years and I am again experiencing an adjustment period to the unfamiliar.   I have been feeling a little lost in getting accustomed to my new world in which my time is unstructured.  I am happy to be where I am but in retrospect, I should have allowed myself more time to settle into retirement before leaving friends and family for a new state. A hand surgery to relieve pain from osteoarthritis became necessary shortly after getting settled in our new home. Playing golf, which I hoped to keep me active and social, was not going to be possible for a while and this threw me for a loop. But after a little more than a year I am gradually finding my footing. The unexpected circumstances in which I found myself has allowed me to instead focus more on my writing and move ahead with blogging which is proving to be a positive direction for me.

Starting over takes time and sometimes it can be better achieved in steps. It seems to be headed in the right direction and in time this change will feel as right as the one I embarked on all those years ago. 

What does it mean to start over?

Although I have defined it by major events such as moving to a new state and retiring, it happens many times and in many ways throughout our lives. We graduate, we enter or leave a relationship, have children, or change careers.  These changes force us to start over.  Starting over can also just be a change in the way we think or approach life.  In any way you do it, big or small, there can be a sense of both fear and excitement.  

It’s never too late to become who you want to be. You have the strength within to start over.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

There are times we decide to start over and times when circumstances dictate it.  But anytime it happens we should embrace it and focus on the opportunities that change can bring.  Don’t be afraid to reinvent yourself. If you feel your life has stalled or you need something different, remember it’s never too late in life to start over.  And over and over again.