Letting Go of Worry: A Personal Journey

I feel the dread creep in before I even open my eyes. It washes over me fully. Initially, the specific source is unknown. But then, as I lay motionless the stressors enter my mind one by one. This is a morning like so many others. Most, if I am being honest. I stay in bed for a few more minutes. I play out the worst-case scenario of each circumstance. Then I rise and prepare for the day ahead. Fortunately, I don’t have the luxury of lying idle with worry all day. I have kids to get off to school and a job to get to. A pretty good job, incidentally. One of which I am grateful to have landed on most days. Other days it only serves to add more stress and worry. 

I don’t remember exactly when I became a worrier. The paragraph above describes a time when I first became a single mother. A period that I eventually navigated well and became an important part of my personal growth. I don’t recall much anxiety before this time. But maybe it was always there. Waiting under the surface for a situation in which I was completely unprepared. Or was I just outgrowing my belief that everything has a happy ending? Worry never caused me serious issues like it does for some. But it remained with me at some level for a good part of my adult life. Now, my life is much less stressful, and I don’t worry much. But there are still moments when I find myself overthinking and anticipating the worst.

Both of my parents were worriers. From them I learned that if someone was a few minutes late or not answering their phone, something tragic must have happened. They must be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I think I once read that anxiety can be influenced by genetics. If not, I suppose the behavior can be taught.

I remember my relief when my oldest son got his first cell phone in high school. I would finally have the ability to know his whereabouts and stop worrying. But of course, when he didn’t answer I would instantly jump to the dead in a ditch scenario. It was only much later that someone outside my family pointed out how irrational those thoughts truly were.

Besides a learned behavior, worry can stem from a need to control. As a self-confessed control freak, I believe that is at least part of what drives it in me. But excess worry is only the illusion of control. We think that by worrying, we can somehow influence or prepare for future events. In reality, it seldom changes results and only robs us of enjoying what is happening at the moment. Have you ever heard someone ask “Should I worry?” Worrying is a choice. What we really want to know is if there is a potential bad outcome to a situation. Of course, that’s always a possibility. Accepting the limits of control and focusing on what we can influence helps break the cycle of overthinking.

Worry isn’t all bad. It can serve as a protective mechanism to keep us safe. Anticipating negative outcomes can prevent reckless decisions and actions. It’s only when it goes into overdrive that it becomes counterproductive. Constantly dwelling on these negative thoughts will eventually affect our mental and emotional well being.

Later in life, as my circumstances changed, I had less to worry about. My kids were growing up, becoming more independent and financial security increased. Nonetheless, letting go of worry is mostly about mindset and a worrier can always find something negative to obsess over, even when it’s not justified. But, I discovered that I had the power to change this behavior. In an earlier post I shared ways I am learning to lighten up in midlife (read about it here). Letting go of overthinking has been beneficial in my journey to live a lighter life. Here are some strategies that helped:

Worrying too much is a common struggle that many people face in their daily lives. It’s important to understand how much it affects our well-being and take action to deal with it. Excessive worry can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Accepting what I can’t control has been crucial in my journey to find peace, allowing me to focus my energy on aspects of life that I can influence. Learning to cope, whether through mindfulness, talking to friends, or engaging in activities I love, helps me to enjoy the current moment and appreciate the goodness around me. By embracing these strategies, I have gradually built resilience, transforming my relationship with worry into one that empowers me rather than limits me.

Remember, life is a journey, and worrying too much prevents us from experiencing all the incredible wonders along the way.